


Ashes to Ashes

by dlouc



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Blood and Violence, Character Deaths, F/F, M/M, Resistance, WWII
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:37:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dlouc/pseuds/dlouc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur closed his eyes, trying to breath, trying to stop his trembling, trying to be brave. He always had told himself he was ready to die for the resistance, for what was right, but in that moment he realized he was wrong. All he could think about was Merlin. He couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t fail him. </p><p> </p><p>Too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes to Ashes

 Sitting silently in the dark that night, just the three of them on the living room floor, the house felt so empty. The basement had been cleared out of it weapons, the maps pinned to the walls were burned, all non-essential documents destroyed. Nothing that could connect the resistance to this house was left. Arthur, Gwen, and Morgana sat in the empty shell of the home. Everyone was gone. Everything was gone.

    They were supposed to be there to discuss the plan, to go over the final details. But that plan had been the only thing on their minds that past week. They didn’t need to discuss it any more, they knew every single detail by heart.

    Gwen sat silently on the floor beside the radio Elyan had made. It didn’t look anything like a radio, more of a mess of tangled wires set atop a small table. But it was all they had. For over a year, that small radio was their only connection to Warsaw, and to the rest of the world. And that small radio had been silent for almost five hours now.

    “The silence doesn’t mean anything.” Morgana whispered, trying to reassure Gwen. She was right, the line went dead all the time. Sometime, days would pass with only silence from that tangle of wires.

    It was different this time, though. Before, if the radio fell silent, they knew they had just lost the connection. They would wait, and it would come back. But now, there was no way to tell if the connection was gone or if the building in Warsaw was gone.

    “I can’t stand not knowing.” Gwen muttered. “I should have gone with them.”

    “We need you here.” Morgana said.

    “Not for long.” Gwen responded. “You’re leaving tomorrow.”

    “Gwen…”

    “You have to go to Warsaw anyway. I could come with you, then just stay.”

    “You should not be in Warsaw.” Morgana whispered. “We talked about this. You need…”

    “To go into hiding, I know.” Gwen muttered bitterly. She looked back to the radio, readjusting a few of the wires even though it wouldn’t make a difference. The line remained silent.

    “I can’t just hide. I should help. I should fight!” Gwen shouted. “I can fight.”

    Morgana opened her mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. Or maybe she didn’t have anything to say. Arthur knew she was dying to fight as well, she had mentioned it many times before. But she couldn’t leave him, and she wasn’t about to drag him into a battle (even though Arthur was more than willing).

    “Then come to Sweden with us.” Morgana suggested.

    Gwen scoffed, looking back to the silent radio. “I can’t run away either.”

    She wouldn’t meet Morgana’s eyes, she knew once she did she’d never be able to leave her.

    “You don’t have to stay in this place. You’ve done enough.” Morgana said. “Please.”

    “Please come with us.” Arthur added.   

    “I don’t know…”

    “Please. I don’t want to leave you.” Morgana whispered.

    Gwen finally tore her eyes away from the radio, remaining completely silent. Finally, though it seemed to pain her, she nodded slightly.

    “You’ll come?” Morgana asked.

    “Yeah, I guess.” Gwen muttered.

    “Yes!” Morgana said excitedly, pulling Gwen into a kiss.

    When Morgana did finally pull, any hint of a smile was gone.

    “This plan is insane.” She whispered, acknowledging for the first time that night what tomorrow would bring. “We are going to die.”

    She said “we”, but Arthur knew she really was just worried about him and Gwen. Death was not something that scared Morgana, almost nothing scared her. Almost. The thought of losing anyone else, of losing the only two people in this world that she loved, was too painful to bear. If anything happened to them, she would be destroyed.

    “If we die, we die.” Gwen said.  “It’s what we signed up for. Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die.”

    “Into the jaws of Death, into the mouth of Hell. I know the words.” Morgana said bitterly. “It’s a stupid poem.”

    “Yeah.” Gwen agreed. “I don’t know why Lance liked it so much.”

    “Please be careful tomorrow.” Morgana whispered.

    “I always am.” Gwen replied.

    “Well, we should probably be getting home.” Morgana said after a few moments of silence.

    “Right, or course.” Gwen said, climbing to her feet then helping Morgana up as well. Arthur followed them to the front door.

    “Oh, and Arthur…” Gwen said, stopping Arthur in the doorway as Morgana stepped out into the street, “I’ll need you to meet me at the fence tomorrow morning. I know I said I would take care of getting Merlin out of the camp, but I think it would be a good idea to have you there. If we are caught at least the S.S. would be confused before they kill us, with an S.S. officer helping and all.”

    “Officer in training.” Arthur corrected.

    “Of course. Still, it would buy us some time if something went wrong. If it’s not too much trouble…”

    “Of course I’ll help.”

    “Thank you.” Gwen said. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning then.”

    “Oh, and Gwen.” Arthur added under his breath. “As Morgana’s brother, I feel obligated to tell you that if you hurt her…”

    “I would never.” Gwen whispered, pretending to be incredibly offended.     

    “Just so we are clear.”

    “Arthur come on!” Morgana shouted from the road.

    Arthur smiled back at Gwen, then joined his sister up the road. It was nice to smile, at least for tonight. He might never have another chance. Morgana had been right when she said the most likely outcome of this plan was their deaths.

*   *   *   *

    Arthur lay awake in his bed as the sunlight slowly crept into his window the next morning. He didn’t even bother trying to sleep that night, there was no way to quiet his mind.

    It was still early, the sun still pale and low in the sky, when Arthur silently dragged himself out of bed. Part of him didn’t ever want to get up. If he didn’t move nothing could go wrong. But standing alone in his room, realizing that one way or another he would never have to return to this dreadful house again, he couldn’t wait another moment.

    He didn’t have much to do that morning. He had already packed an extra set of clothes away in his bag for Merlin, and he had slept in his clothes the night before. All that was left to do was meet Gwen at the fence and finally get Merlin out of that place.

    Grabbing the bag from the floor by his door, Arthur crept into the hallway. He was painfully aware of his father sleeping just in the other. Every creek of the floorboards sent Arthur into a panic. He had never been so nervous sneaking out. He’s never had so much to lose.

    Morgana stood silently in her doorway, just staring at Arthur as he walked by. She didn’t say a word, less their father hear, but her eyes clearly conveyed a silent goodbye.

    The woods did nothing to calm Arthur when he finally reached them. He didn’t feel free like he had always felt before when he finally got out of the shed. Each stepped he took, each moment that brought him closer to the camp, left him feeling more trapped.

    Gwen was waiting for him by the time he reached the stretch of fence they agreed to meet at. She had already started digging a hole under the fence, and was about a half a meter down when Arthur crept out of the woods. Gwen must not have seen his face, just his uniform, because the moment he appeared she nearly took his head off with the shovel. She immediately recognized him though, and dropped the shovel as if was on fire.

    “Shit, you look just like the others.” She said. “Sorry.”

    “Where’s Merlin?” Arthur asked, noticing his absence.

    “He’s late, like you.” Gwen said bitterly, picking the shovel up again to continue digging.

    “Late? Where is he?”

    Gwen shrugged.

    “We have to find him.” Arthur cried, raising his voice. “We have to find him. We…”

    “Calm down.” Gwen ordered. “There is nothing we can do from here. He’ll get here when he gets here. I’m sure he’s fine.”

    “But…”

    “Be quiet.” Gwen snapped. “Stop worrying. There’s an extra shovel, help me with this.”

    Arthur reluctantly shut his mouth, grabbing the other shovel by Gwen’s feet and helping her with the hole.

    “Be careful.” She warned. “Don’t touch the fence.”

    Arthur nodded, and kept digging. Between the two of them, they finished with the hole, now a meter deep and extending another meter behind the fence, within the hour. Still, Merlin was nowhere to be seen.

    Another hour slipped by, and still nothing. The sun was getting dangerously high in the sky, and Arthur could see people, some inmates and some guards, across the once empty field. Gwen sat on the forest floor, leaning up against a tree, while Arthur stood on his tip toes, straining to see across the field. Something must have gone wrong. Something must be wrong.

    “Arthur, please sit down.” Gwen asked. “Someone will see you.”

    Arthur silently took a seat next to Gwen, realizing that she was right. Looking across that field wasn’t doing anything to help Merlin, and someone would probably see him. At least on the ground, they were partially hidden by the tall grass.

    “Now what?” He asked.

    “We wait.” Gwen responded.

    “We can’t just sit here.”

    “Do you have a better idea?”

    Arthur shook his head.

    Another hour crept by, the field in front of them growing more crowded by the minute. Finally, after what seemed like forever, a figure appeared on the horizon, running directly towards them.

    “It’s him!” Arthur cried, as Merlin finally came into view. Gwen jumped to her feet just as Merlin reached the fence.

    “Sorry I’m late.” He muttered, out of breath.

    “Just come on.” Gwen said quickly. There were at least ten guards in sight. Someone was bound to notice.

    Merlin dropped to the ground, and Gwen and Arthur pulled him under the fence. The moment he climbed to his feet on the otherside, Gwen grabbed Arthur’s bag then took off running, motioning for Arthur and Merlin to follow. Arthur grabbed Merlin’s hand and pulled him after Gwen, plunging into the woods.

    Arthur held his breath, waiting to hear shouts following them, or gunshots, or something. But all he could hear was silence around him, and the beating of his heart, and the pounding of his feet on the forest floor.  

    They reached a clearing and Gwen stopped running, sinking to the ground out of breath and grinning. Arthur stopped too, immediately pulling Merlin into his arms. He was free, actually free. Arthur had been so sure everything would just explode, that something would go wrong and they would be caught, or killed, or both. As much as he insisted that he would get Merlin out, that they had a chance at living, he hadn’t actually believed it himself. It all seemed too impossible. But here Merlin was, finally free and alive and in his arms. Arthur never wanted to let go again. He just wanted to hold him, kiss him, forever.

    When they finally did pull apart, Gwen was smirking at them.

    “Well, that explains a lot.” She said with a smile. She then tossed the bag to Merlin. “Change into this.”

    Arthur’s clothes turned out to be way too big for Merlin’s thin frame, but it was too late to do anything about that now. Gwen took the tattered blue striped uniform and hid it in the underbrush. Getting to Sweden would be hard enough, they didn’t need the Nazis looking everywhere for an escaped Jew.

     “Merlin, we need to get back to town.” Gwen said. “And Arthur, you should get back to your sister.”

     “Wait, I thought you were coming with us.” Merlin said.  

     “I’ve got some things to do first.” Arthur mumbled, looking away.

     “Like what?”

    “You didn’t tell him?” Gwen asked.

    “Tell me what?”

    “You said you told him.” Gwen said.

    “I told him about the plan to break him out.”

    “But not the other plan?”

    “What other plan?” Merlin demanded.

    “You should get back to town.”

    “What other plan?!”

    “My father has some documents.” Arthur explained reluctantly.

    “What kind of documents?”

    “Classified ones that explain the entire operation at the camp.” Arthur continued. “Morgana and I are going to steal them.”

    “You are going to what?!”

    “Steal them, give them to the allies so they know what is happening.” Arthur said. “That’s why I need to leave the country also.”

    “Are you crazy?”  Merlin yelled. “Do you realize how dangerous…”

    “I know the risks.”

    “You may live there, but it’s still an S.S. compound you are planning on breaking into. You think the Nazis will give a shit about who you are if you are caught?! They’ll kill you!”

    “Then so be it! I have to do this.” Arthur shouted. “I have to.”

    “Keep your voices down!” Gwen hissed. “Merlin, we have to go. Now.”

    Merlin tried to protest, but Gwen was already dragging him away.

    “Be careful.” He whispered. “Please.”

    “Arthur, go.” Gwen ordered. “You don’t have much time.”

    “If you get yourself killed... “ Merlin called as Gwen pulled him away. “I will murder you!”

    “I love you too!” Arthur called back before Merlin disappeared into the trees, leaving him alone in the clearing.

*   *   *   *

   Morgana was waiting for Arthur by the time he got back to the house, pacing back and forth in the front hall.

    “What took you so long?” She demanded the moment he step foot in the house.

    “We got delayed, but it’s all alright.”

    “You were supposed to be back hours ago.” Morgana whispered angrily. “I thought something had happened. I thought…”

    “It’s fine. Everyone is fine.”  

    Morgana stared at him intently for several moments, as if deciding whether to yell at him anymore. She decided against it.

    “Something else has come up.” She whispered, pulling him aside. It was late afternoon, and the grounds were far from empty. There were several soldiers standing around in the front room and the hall, certainly within earshot.

    “It’s the cabinet.” Morgana said under her breath.

    “What about it?”

    “Father started keeping it locked.” Morgana explained quietly.

    “I thought you checked before. You said it wasn’t locked.”

    “I know. But that was before the raid. It’s locked now.”

    “What do we do?”

    “You need to get the key from Father.” Morgana whispered.

    “How?! Father always carries it. He never sets it down.” Arthur exclaimed, and was immediately shushed by Morgana.

    “How?” Arthur asked again, this time keeping his voice down.

    “I don’t know.” Morgana admitted.

    Arthur sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

    The front door opened and several soldiers shuffled inside. Morgana mouthed a silent thank you to Arthur, then left the hall before anyone noticed them talking.

    Arthur turned to his father’s office. He could hear his father’s muffled voice through the door, his clear through the murky glass. This was insane, the whole point was to avoid father at all costs, not seek him out. Before Arthur could talk himself out of it, he threw opened the door and stepped inside the office.

    Father immediately fell silent, looking up to Arthur from his seat at his massive desk. Fritz sat on the other side of the desk, avoiding Arthur’s gaze. At least he wasn’t still trying to be Arthur’s friend, being avoided was much better.

   “Do you need something?” Father asked crossly. This was so stupid. Arthur knew better than to interrupt one of his father’s meetings, even if it was just Fritz.

   “Um, yes.” Arthur said, desperately trying to find an excuse for the interruption. “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

    Father sighed, but motioned for Fritz to leave. Then he turned to Arthur, staring at him expectantly. Arthur could see the key, hanging loosely off of his belt. It wouldn’t be hard to grab without Father noticing, if only Arthur could get close enough.

    “What do you want?”

    “I… uh, wanted to talk to you… about… uh.” Arthur said, stumbling over the words as he tried to grasp at an excuse, any excuse. He really didn’t think this through. “About something… important.”

    “What?” Father demanded.

    “About...Uh… well…”

    “You are wasting my time.”

    “About enlisting.” Arthur blurted out. The shock on his father’s face made him immediately regret it, but it was too late now. The only way was forward.

    “What do you mean?”

    “I wanted to enlist, not in the S.S.” Arthur explained, stepping towards his father. He just had to keep him talking.

    “You don’t want to be in the S.S.?” Father asked, starting to raise his voice.

    “It’s not that… it’s just…” Arthur stuttered. “My friends, all the boys from Berlin, they are going to the front. How would I look if I’m not among them?”

    “Being an S.S. Officer is a far greater honor.”

    “Is it?!” Arthur shouted. “Because it seems to me that I’m just a glorified prison guard.”

    “Arthur... ”

    “That’s all the S.S. is, just glorified prison guards, hiding hundreds of miles behind the front. And you have the audacity to call that honorable while you let others sacrifice their lives for our country. It’s not an honor, it’s being a coward! You’re being a coward!”

    Father jumped to his feet, and immediately Arthur knew he had gone to far. He wasn’t scared though, like he usually was of his father. All he felt was a twisted sense of satisfaction.

    “I will not accept this disrespect, not from my own son!” Father shouted. “And I will not have my son waste away as an infantryman after all the work that I’ve done!”

    Arthur took a step towards his father. He was angry now, and Father always got careless when he was angry. Surely he wouldn’t notice if Arthur snatched the key.

    “And I won’t cower behind my father my whole life!” Arthur shouted.

    Father scoffed, turning away, and Arthur took this opportunity to snatch the key.

    “I don’t have time for this nonsense.”

    “No, of course you don’t. Sir.” Arthur said bitterly.

    “And you don’t either.” Father said. “Like it or not, you are still in the S.S. You should be at the camp already.”

    “Fine.” Arthur said as he started to back out of the room. “I’m going to the camp now. Happy?”

    Father didn’t say another word, silently taking his seat again at his desk. His stare was deadly, and Arthur understood that he was never to bring up this conversation again. So be it, it wasn’t like he was going to be around much longer.

    Arthur stepped into the hall, slamming the door behind him. He hadn’t meant to make a scene, it was probably stupid of him to do that, but he couldn’t stop himself. He got so caught up in his anger. It didn’t matter now. What’s done is done, and he had gotten the key. That’s all that really mattered. Now he just had to wait until the house was empty.

    “Are you going to the camp?” Fritz asked when Arthur emerged from the office. He had been waiting just outside the door, leaning up against the wall.

    “Yeah.” Arthur answered automatically. He needed everyone to think he was there.

    He tried to push past Fritz to go to his room, but he stopped him.

    “I am too.” Fritz announced. “I’ll give you a ride in the car.”

    “No thanks.” Arthur grumbled, trying again to push past him.  “I’d rather walk.”

    “I insist.”

    Several others in the hall began to notice this exchange. Arthur couldn’t afford to make another scene, not now. Refusing further would be suspicious.

    “Ok.”

    Before Arthur could say another word, Fritz dragged him out the door and across the front lawn.

_No. No. No._

   Arthur still had the key in the palm of his hand. He needed to get to Morgana, he didn’t have time for this. The key burned in his hand, and his heart felt like it was going to burst from his chest. He didn’t have time. He didn’t have time.

   Fritz climbed into the car. For a moment Arthur stood frozen in front of the door. He still had a chance to leave, to go back to the house. He could just run away. But he could feel everyone’s eyes on him. Running was not an option anymore.

   Silently cursing his luck, Arthur reluctantly climbed into the car. The engine started and Arthur’s heart dropped even further. Gwen didn’t know about any of this. What if she set off those charges while Arthur was actually at the camp? They had an incredibly short window to pull the plan off, the distraction wouldn’t last long. He still had the key, Morgana wouldn’t be able to do anything without it.

    Arthur watched as the house disappeared behind him as the car continued down the road towards the camp. He was going to miss the window. He was going to miss it. Once those charges went off, they wouldn’t get a second chance. And then there was Merlin. The Nazis would suspect the resistance was behind that attack, they would go straight to Gwen’s, where Merlin was hiding in the cellar.

    “Are you ok?” Fritz asked. Arthur probably looked about as worse as he felt. His hands were shaking, he could feel himself growing pale.

    “Yeah.” He lied, refusing to look at Fritz.

    “You know, we haven’t spoken since…” Fritz started to say. “Well, you know.”

    Since Arthur had freaked out about the gas chambers.

    “I just wanted to clear the air.” He continued. “You know, if we are working together, I don’t want it to be awkward or anything.”

     Arthur nodded, still staring intently out of the window.

     “I know you were… shocked when you first found out about our work here, but I’m glad that you’ve come around.” Fritz said. “You were younger then, I won’t hold it against to.”

    “Thanks.” Arthur said sarcastically, but Fritz didn’t seem to pick up on the sarcasm and just smiled. He seemed to take this as a sign of their renewed friendship. For the rest of the ride, Fritz kept rambling about the war and the camps’ “progress”. Arthur just tuned him out, nodding occasionally as he stared out the window. Fritz didn’t seem to notice his disinterest.

    Finally the car pulled up to one of the gates. The moment the car stopped, Arthur jumped out of the car, frantically looking around him. It was getting so late, but there were soldiers everywhere. He had to find a way to get away. Fritz sooned joined Arthur in front of the car and together they walked through the main gate. Arthur turned around, just as the massive gate began to close behind. Never in his life had he felt more trapped.

    “Is something wrong?” Fritz asked, noticing Arthur’s panic.

    Suddenly an idea came to him. “I forgot something in the car.” Arthur announced, immediately breaking out into a sprint back towards the gate.

    “I’ll catch up with you later.” He called back to Fritz as he ran back through the entrance to the car parked just beyond the gate.

    Fritz looked confused for a moment, and somewhat conflicted as if he couldn’t decide if he should leave Arthur behind. After a moment, he nodded and turned to walk further into the camp.

    Arthur rounded on the car. The woods were just in front of him. He only needed a moment to slip out of sight. He stopped, pretending to fiddle with the door while eyeing the guards around him. He just had to wait for the right moment.

     _Look away. Look away._

    Arthur waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he realized no one was looking his way. He quickly ducked into the woods before anyone turned back towards him.

    Arthur raced through the trees, stumbling through the woods as fast as he could. He might make it. He might…

    A blast sounded from behind him. Arthur turned to see a cloud of black smoke rising into the air, not from the chimneys but from the fence. Another blast shook the ground.

    _No, it’s too soon._

    Arthur started running again just as another blast echoed the others. He could hear shouts coming from the road, the scrambling of soldiers just on the other side of the fence. The house was nowhere in sight, just the fence on one side of him and the woods on the other.

_It’s too soon. It’s too soon._

    A section of the fence ignited just as Arthur ran past it, nearly knocking him to the ground. He could see the house now, looming just ahead of him. He was so close.

   The woods had fallen silent around him. The sound of explosions had stopped, the shouts were fading. Arthur reached the shed and climbed through the window, falling to the floor. He scrambled to his feet, sprinting through the back garden and around to the front of the house. Arthur had never seen the grounds so empty.

    Arthur climbed the steps to the front door and ran inside. Morgana was in the front hall, struggling to open the office door.

    “Where were you?” She shouted. “Nevermind, it doesn’t matter.”

    Morgana let go of the door handle in frustration. “It’s locked.”

    She spun around the room, looking for something, anything that would help. Her eyes settled on the coatrack that sat next to the door.

    “Stand back.” She said, grabbing the rack and dragging it over. She picked it up and swung it at the window in the door. The glass shattered, sending shards flying across the room. Morgana reached through the broken window and unlocked the door.

    “You got the key?” She asked Arthur as she threw open the office door. Arthur nodded, holding the key up for her to see.

    “Get the cabinet open.” She ordered, stepping back into the hall.

    Arthur rushed to the cabinet and unlocked. He pulled open the drawer, revealing hundreds of documents crammed inside, all labeled Classified.

    Morgana appeared in the doorway, carrying several empty bags.

    “Catch.” She called, tossing one of the bags to Arthur. She joined him at the cabinet as he started throwing the documents into the bag. Morgana grabbed several folders labeled Operation Reinhard and silently leafed through them.

    “We’ve been underestimating death tolls.” She whispered.

    She closed the folder and dumped it in the bag without another word.

    Between the two of them, the cabinet was emptied it a matter of minutes, their two bags looking like they were about to burst. Morgana disappeared into the hall again, this time dragging back with her a rusted gas can. She handed her bag to Arthur then began emptying the contents of the can around the office, dumping it on the floor, pouring it over the desk, soaking the curtains.

    Arthur dragged the bags into the halls just as a flash of light illuminated the front windows. The sounds of a dying engine could be heard outside, then approaching footsteps. A car must have just pulled up.

    “Morgana!” Arthur yelled, running back to the office to warn her. Another flash of light illuminated the hall as the front door slammed open. Arthur stumbled into the office, finding half the room engulfed in flames.

    “Morgana!” He yelled again. She was nowhere to be seen.

    “Arthur!”

    Arthur whirled around, finding not Morgana, but his father standing in the doorway.

    Father froze and Arthur froze and they stood there, just staring at eachother. Not moving, not breathing, nothing. The flames inched closer, the air became harder to breath, and still neither moved. Arthur could see the shock in Father’s eyes, trying to make sense of the scene around them. The broken door, the flaming office, the empty cabinet, and Arthur clutching a bag overflowing with the classified documents in each hand. Arthur could see everything beginning to click together. Arthur needed to leave, he needed to run, but still he stood frozen as the flames inched closer to his back and his father loomed in front of him. Where was Morgana? He needed Morgana.

     Understanding flashed across Father’s face, but Arthur couldn’t see any sign of rage. Just Confusion, betrayal, then nothing. Still, his father didn’t say a word.

     “Father…” Arthur started, even though he really didn’t have anything to say. What could he, at this point?

     “You are no son of mine.” Father sneered. Then the rage came, a murderous looking flashing across Father’s face. Every bone in Arthur’s body was screaming for him to run, and this time he found himself able to move, stumbling backwards just as Father pulled out his pistol. Able to move but nowhere to go. Arthur was trapped between the flames burning his back and the pistol at his head.

    “Dad…” Arthur whispered, begged. His father’s face was stone, his eyes empty, and it was then Arthur knew that he was about to die.

    Arthur closed his eyes, trying to breath, trying to stop his trembling, trying to be brave. He always had told himself he was ready to die for this, for what was right, but in that moment he realized he was wrong. All he could think about was Merlin. He couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t fail him.

   _Too late._

    There was a sickening clang that echoed through the air. Arthur opened his eyes, still in the burning room, still alive. Father was crumpled on the floor not moving, Morgana standing over him clutching an iron fire stoke in her hand.

   “We have to go.” She said, tossing the metal rod aside and grabbing Arthur, dragging him around where Father lay unconscious on the floor. Back into the hall, running onto the front porch. Morgana flew down the steps into the front garden, but Arthur froze, turning back to the house. The fire had completely engulfed the office and had spread to nearly half to house. Through the black smoke pouring into the night, Arthur saw his Father, still unconscious on the floor as the fire surrounded him.

    Arthur dropped his bag to the ground and ran back up the stairs and into the burning house.

    “Arthur!” Morgana screamed.

    “I can’t leave him!” Arthur yelled back. He didn’t quite understand it himself, after everything his father had done, after months of wanting him dead. But he knew he couldn’t let his father burn.

     It was almost impossible to see in the hall, even harder to breathe. Arthur stumbled forwards through the burning darkness, ignoring the searing heat all around him. He reached the office, falling to his knees beside his father. His eyes burned, his throat burned, his skin burned. Arthur grabbed his father and stumbled backwards, choking on the air as he tried to drag Father into the hall.

    Coughing and sputtering and stumbling through the flames, Arthur tried with all his might to move Father, but he could barely keep himself standing. The ceiling in the office was starting to cave in, the flames were starting to surround the front door, and the smoke, there was so much smoke.

    Then Morgana was at his side, trying to pull him away.

    “Arthur, what the hell?!” She screamed hoarsely.

    “No!” Arthur cried, breaking free of her grasp.

    “Arthur, we have to go!”

    “We can’t just leave him here.” Arthur yelled. “He’s still our father.”

    Morgana stood frozen for a moment, staring at Arthur in disbelief.

    “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

    “Please.”

    Morgana looked as if she wanted to strangle Arthur, but she stepped forward and grabbed Father’s arms. Together they pulled, and for a moment they were able to start dragging him into the hall. Then the office ceiling gave out, and Arthur and Morgana fell back as they were hit by a wave of smoke, ash, and sparks.

    Arthur pulled himself to his feet, clawing his way back to Father, who was now buried in debri from the waist down.

    Morgana reluctantly joined him, and together they tried to drag Father into the hall, but it was no use. They couldn’t get him out from under the debri.

    “Arthur, we have to go!” Morgana shouted, stepping back into the hall, but Arthur wouldn’t let go. Father was starting to gain consciousness as Arthur was starting to lose it.

    “He’ll burn to death.” Arthur cried.

    “There is nothing we can do!”

    “He’ll burn to death.” Arthur repeated. “No one deserves that.”

    Morgana ducked back into the office, shoving Arthur aside and retrieving something from the flames.

    “So we don’t let him burn to death.” She whispered, picking up Father’s discarded pistol and bringing it to his forehead. For a moment she just stood there, pistol in hand, unable to bring herself to pull the trigger. Then she looked away and shot.

*   *   *   *

    Arthur and Morgana stumbled into the night, gasping at the finally breathable air. Headlights flashed through the trees from up the road, distant shouts mixed in with the sound of the raging fire behind them. The light from the fire could be seen for miles in the darkness, certainly it could be seen from the camp.

    Morgana grabbed Arthur and rushed to Father’s car, still parked in the front garden. She threw open the door and tossed the bags into the back seat, jumping into the front seat. Arthur climbed into the passenger seat beside her. Morgana turned the key, still in the ignition where Father left it. The engine roared to life, but Morgana remained frozen, clutching the steering wheel. The lights from the road were getting closer.

    “Morgana, what are you waiting for!?” Arthur shouted. They wouldn’t even have a minute before the first of the cars pulled into the driveway. Still, Morgana didn’t move.

    “You don’t know how to drive.” Arthur said, realizing that neither of them had a chance to learn.

    “How hard can it be?” Morgana muttered. “Just step on the gas…”

    The car jerked forward violently and almost crashed into the gate. Morgana swerved into the road just as the first of the cars rounded the bend.

    “Turn off the headlights.” Arthur ordered. “Don’t let them see us.”

    “I can barely see…”

    “Turn them off!”

    Morgana reluctantly turned the lights off and sped into the darkness. The car swerved all over, thrown this way and that by the uneven road and terrible driving. They shouldn’t be going this fast, not on this road, not without the lights. Every turn, every curve in that road sent Arthur flying. He closed his eyes and held on for dear life, waiting for the car to collide with a tree, waiting to be shot.

    The shouts faded, the fire from the house disappeared from the rearview mirror. Arthur finally found himself able to breathe again. Morgana was starting to get the hang of driving, though her knuckles were still white from gripping the wheel so tightly and her face was still pale.

    “We did it.” Arthur whispered. Everything that had just happening was starting to sink in. “We’re not dead.”

    The town was starting to come into view, the few lights left visible through the trees. Just around the next turn…

    “STOP!” Arthur screamed, just as the final stretched of road before the town came into view, and the several S.S. vehicles that were blocking the way.

     _We’re going too fast._

    Morgana slammed on the brakes and jerked the wheel to the side. The car skidded off the road into the woods, crashing through the trees. Then everything went dark.

*   *   *   *

 

    “Arthur!”

    It was so cold, it was so dark.

    “Arthur!”

    Arthur forced his eyes open. Still, all he could see was darkness. It swirled around him, the whole world spinning in his head. Then there was Morgana, hovering over him, dragging him away.

     There was broken glass everywhere, scattered around him, digging into Arthur’s skin. There was a terrible pain on the side of his head, and something else. Something dripping down his forehead. Blood.

    “Arthur, get up.” Morgana begged.

    Arthur was on the ground, the smashed remains of the car in front of him, twisted into the tree it collided with. The windshield was mashed in, and one of the other windows too. There were distant shouts, getting closer and closer.

    “The documents.” He mumbled.

    “I’ve got them.” Morgana whispered. “Get up.”

    Morgana reached down and pulled Arthur to his feet. For a moment Arthur thought he would pass out again, but the world soon stopped spinning and the dizziness went away, leaving just the pain.

    “Come one.” Morgana hissed, grabbing Arthur’s arm as she started to drag him away. He stumbled after her through the woods towards the twinkling lights ahead. They just needed to get to town.  

    The shouts faded as they ran further away and the lights grew closer. Soon they reached the outskirts of town. Arthur could the Gwen’s house now just a few blocks away. Morgana led the way, weaving in and out of the narrow alleys, not bothering to check if they were being followed.

    Finally they reached Gwen’s front door. Morgana didn’t knock, just threw open the door and stumbled inside, Arthur close behind. She slammed the door behind her, dropping the bags to the floor and sinking down with them.

    “It’s them!” Merlin called, appearing from around the corner. Then he froze, finally getting a good look at them. Arthur realized they must look terrible. Their clothes were torn up and covered in soot, their faces grimy and covered in ash. Morgana’s skirt was stained bright red with Father’s blood, and Arthur’s shirt was stained with his own blood. There was a large gash on the side of Arthur’s face from the windshield, and his arms were torn up by the glass as well. So much blood, so much ash.

    “What happened?” Merlin whispered. Gwen appeared in the doorway as well, equally shocked.

    “We got the documents.” Morgana announced, holding up the bags in triumph. Gwen rushed forwards, sinking to the ground beside Morgana, pulling her into her arms.

    “You said you would be careful.” Gwen whispered.

    “We’re fine.” Morgana muttered, climbing to her feet.

    “Morgana…”

    “We don’t have time for this. We need to get going.” Morgana interrupted. “Warsaw is a good two days walk from here and…”

    “We have a change of plans.” Gwen said. Arthur knew then something was wrong. Her voice shook, her eyes were empty. “We aren’t going to Warsaw.”

    “What?” Morgana exclaimed. “We need help from our people there. How are we going to get to Sweden without…”

    “We aren’t going to Sweden.” Gwen whispered.

    “Where are we going?!”

    “London.”

    For a moment Morgana didn’t know what to say. Surely this had to be a joke.

    “We can’t go to London.” Morgana said. “We’ll never make it. We have no idea what we are doing.”

    “We don’t have a choice!”

    “What about our unit in Warsaw!?” Morgana yelled. “They were the ones who were supposed to take the documents to London, we were just stealing them. Why can’t they go?”

    “They can’t.”

    “Why not?!”

    “Because they’re gone!” Gwen yelled.

    “What?” Morgana whispered.

    “They are dead, Morgana.” Gwen said softly.

    “All of them?”

    Gwen nodded.

    “Your brother, and..”

    “They’re dead.” Gwen repeated, barely a whispered. She was fighting to hold back her tears, she didn’t have time for things like that.

    “When?” Morgana asked.

    “I don’t know. Sometime this morning, maybe yesterday.”

    Morgana fell silent. No matter how many times this has happened, no matter how many friend she lost, it never got any easier. It never made any sense. They were just here. They were just here. It had just been a few days since the seven of them were all huddled in that kitchen late at night, so alive, so full of hope. And once upon a time, all those years ago when Morgana had first stumbled upon the group, there had been 17 of them in that kitchen. But now there were three, because this always happens, and it never makes any sense. The list of those names that would haunt her forever continued to grow.      

    “We have to go.” Gwen said.

    Still Morgana didn’t speak, didn’t respond.

    “Morgana, we have to go.” Gwen repeated. “We don’t have time to…”

    “No.” Morgana said, pulling herself together. This was war, people die. They were fighters, soldiers. They didn’t have time to be sad. They didn’t have time to be human.

    “Morgana…”

    “We can’t go to London.” Morgana said. “We’ll never make it.”

    “Morgana, we don’t have a choice.”

    “If our unit is… gone, then we’ll find another. We go to Warsaw and we get help.” Morgana said. “All the groups are connected. Someone will help us.”

    “There is no one else.”

    “There is not a single person in the entire Warsaw ghetto willing to help us?!”

    “There is no Warsaw Ghetto!” Gwen cried. “There was a battle. The Nazis, they… the resistance didn’t stand a chance. The ghetto was burned to the ground. It’s gone. Everyone is gone.”

    “There were over 60,000 people in that ghetto.” Morgana whispered.

    “I know.” Gwen said.

    “No one’s left?”

    Gwen shook her head.

    “Some were arrested, most are dead. I’m having trouble getting very accurate information.”

    “There is no one left.” Morgana said, the whole mess starting to sink in. “We’re alone.”

    “We have to go to London.” Gwen whispered.

    “We won’t make it.”

    “We have to try.”    

    “My brother, Merlin, can’t we take them to Sweden first?”

    “We don’t have time.”

    “We won’t make it.”

    “Morgana…”

    Just then, a loud knock echoed through the house. Then another, and another. There were shouts from the street outside, multiple people now pounding on the door.

    “It’s the Gestapo.” Merlin whispered, peeking out the front window.

    “Shh.” Gwen whispered. “Everyone quiet.”

    “They’ll break down the door.” Arthur said.

    “The back.” Morgana whispered. She grabbed one of the bags, Gwen grabbing another, then motioned for the other to follow. They ran into the kitchen, slamming the door shut behind them. Gwen grabbed the table and started to pull it over. Merlin ran forward to help and together they dragged it to the door, barricading themselves in.

    “We need to get out of here.” Arthur whispered. “We need to go…”

    “I know.” Morgana muttered. “Let me think. Let me think.”

    There was a loud crash from the front of the house, the sound of a door breaking in.

    Morgana whirled around frantically. There were no other doors, no other way out, except…

    “The window!”

    She rushed to the window over the sinking, pulling herself onto the counter. She threw her shoulder against the glass, trying to pull the window up.

    “Help me.”

    Gwen climbed up beside her and grabbed the window too, desperately trying to pull it up. The footsteps were getting closer. It wouldn’t be long until those soldiers realized they were in here.

    “It’s stuck.” Gwen whispered.

    There were footsteps just outside the kitchen door, harsh voices ringing through the door. Merlin ran up between Gwen and Morgana clutching a saucepan in his fist. Then he threw it through the window.

    Morgana immediately jumped to the ground, pulling Gwen with her. She reached back up to help her brother down, then she and Arthur helped pull Merlin through just as the kitchen door was broken down.

    The four of them took off running, disappearing into the night as the distant shouts from the kitchen began to fade behind them. They raced through the silent streets, stumbling towards the woods, hardly daring to believe that they were alive.

    They soon left the town behind, reaching the trees beyond and plunging into the darkness. The silence of the night overtook the last fading shouts and Arthur found himself able to breathe again. As the last light from the town began to disappear behind the trees, the group began to slow down, no longer running for their lives. Morgana stopped all together, a grin spreading across her face.

    “We’re not dead.” She said in disbelief. “We aren’t dead.”

    A wave of exhaustion overtook Arthur, and for a moment he thought he was going to pass out again. But in that moment, despite the pain, despite the fatigue, Arthur only felt joy. He started to laugh, unable to stop himself. Soon the others joined in. What a strange sight that must have been, four lonely souls alone in the woods, laughing hysterically in the freezing night air.  

    Morgana pulled Gwen into her arms, determined to never let go of her again. They were alive, they had a chance, they had hope…

    “Run!” Merlin screamed just as the sounding of heavy footsteps broke through the silence. Gwen’s eyes grew wide as she started to realize what was happening. She stumbled backwards, still in Morgana’s arms, as Merlin grabbed Arthur and started dragged him away. A deafening bang echoed through the trees, then Morgana and Gwen were on the ground, falling over each other to the forest floor. It was a gunshot. _It was a gunshot._

    “Morgana!” Arthur screamed, breaking free of Merlin’s arms and scrambling to his sister.

_No. Please god, no._

    Arthur fell to the ground at Morgana’s side, pulling his sister into his arms, praying that she was alive. Morgana started screaming. Then he saw Gwen lying on the ground beneath Morgana. Gwen, with a soft smile and empty eyes staring into nothing, a pool of blood collecting around her head, a bullet hole right through her forehead.

    “Gwen!” Morgana screamed, breaking free of Arthur’s arms and falling over her. “No. No. No.”

    The heavy footsteps grew louder, and Arthur whirled around just as a soldier crashed into the clearing. Not just a soldier, Fritz, a gun clutched in his trembling hand. He froze as the pale moonlight illuminated the scene in front of him.

    “Morgana?” He asked in shock, starting to lower his gun

    Morgana pulled herself up, turning around to face Fritz. Something flashed across Morgana’s face, burning rage, her eyes murderous.

    Morgana charged him in a blur. Then Fritz was on the ground, his gun in Morgana’s hands and pointed and his head. This time Morgana did not hesitate. She pulled the trigger.

    The gun clicked, and no bullet fired. A twisted grin spread across Fritz’s face. Morgana swung the gun forward and struck him across the face, then struck him again, and again. Fritz crumpled to the ground and still Morgana hit him, over and over and over again. His skin was torn apart, blood pouring over his face. There was a sickening crunch as his skull broke under the handle of the gun.

    “Morgana, stop!” Arthur yelled. Still she struck him, his skull smashing in, bits of bone and brain mixing with the blood on the ground around him. There were more shouts in the distance, more approaching footsteps.

    “Morgana, he’s dead! Stop!” Arthur begged.

    He rushed forwards and grabbed Morgana around the waist, dragging her backwards as she sobbed, struggling against Arthur’s grasp, trying to scrambled back to Fritz, trying to strike him again with the bloody gun.

    “Morgana, we have to go.” Arthur shouted, pulling her to her feet.

    “I can’t leave her.” Morgana whispered. “I can’t…”

    “She’s gone, Morgana.” Arthur cried. “She’s gone. We have to go.”

    “We can’t just leave her here.” Morgana whispered. “They’ll string up her body like the others. We can’t…”

    “We have to go Morgana!”

    “There’s a river not far from here” Merlin cut in. “They wouldn’t be able to get her if…”

    Morgana nodded, stumbling over to Gwen and scooping her into her arms.

    Silently, Merlin marched ahead, leading the way away from the shouts, leading the way to the river. They soon reached the river’s edge, the water illuminated in silver from the moon. Morgana stepped forward into the freezing water, wading slowing in until he river came to her waist. She was a soldier, she was a soldier, she didn’t have time for grief. She reminded herself over and over again as the freezing water bit at her skin. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about. Don’t think about anything. She looked threw her head back, staring into the sky above. Once upon a time she might have believed that as she stared into the sky, someone was looking back at her. But now as she stared into that sky, she knew she was staring into nothing, just as Gwen was. There was nothing, because no god could ever allow this to happen. No higher power would ever allow the world to be torn apart like this.

    Morgana felt like she was being crushed, like her heart had been ripped out.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about anything._

    Surely it would be easier to just slip under the water and never come up. Anything to make the pain stop. Anything.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about anything._

    Morgana’s arms trembled, she couldn’t breathe.

_Don’t think about it. don’t think about anything._

    Morgana dropped her arms, lowering Gwen into the river.

    “Goodbye, my love.” She whispered just as Gwen disappeared into the water.

    The list grows longer, the broken soul left behind marches on. Such is the life of a soldier.

 ****  



End file.
